It was never my intention to step away from the blog for so long! I haven't stopped writing posts, I've just stopped publishing them. Everything I write has an under tone of fed up and grumpy. In fact if The Husband was being entirely honest he would tell you I am completely grumpy, grouchy, short tempered and generally a pain to be round right now...but then The Husband knows better than to climb into a cage with a sleeping lion, and would NEVER be honest!
Many people think that once your past the 12 week mark, pregnancy is easy, what could go wrong now? For me its not that simple. I find the first trimester hard, the second trimester is relatively easy, but the second I hit the 3rd? The paranoia kicks in again. With every little twinge or sensation I wonder if something is going wrong. 'I've gotten so far,' I think, 'please don't let anything go wrong now. My baby is relatively safe now, capable of surviving outside of my uterus, so why wont they just take him out?' The answer to that is simple, although my uterus is a dangerous place to be, its also the safest for him right now until he is ready to make his entrance into the world. I know this, but the crazy that goes around my head is relentless and all consuming. I want to be a normal pregnant person and enjoy the final stages of pregnancy, the last few weeks as a family of 4, with 2 children before the chaos starts with a newborn, but my head just wont switch off. When you add this crazy to the general fedupness and tiredness of being 36 weeks pregnant, it just doesn't make a pretty scene!
I keep reminding myself there is just 4 weeks to go until my due date, in fact, just 30 days today! I'm looking forward to seeing Pop again tomorrow at another growth scan and then discussing with my consultant the plans for labour. Pop is now the size of a honeydew and has pretty much finished developing. He has his own personality and his sleeping and awake patterns are very much already determined. Suddenly its all getting so real, and in just 4 weeks time I will be a mum of 3 under 4? Who decided that was a good idea!