Thursday, 17 May 2012

Growing up and moving on, the end of an era

When I woke up this morning I couldn't help but think back to the morning of November 10th 2010. When I woke up that day my beautiful monster was peacefully sleeping and I couldn't help but want to keep her that way.

She was just 11 days old and the last 11 days had been filled with screaming, screaming and more screaming. I was failing as a mother, I just couldn't keep my baby happy and I didn't know why. Maybe it was because of her hands, they were cracking and looked very painful and now her feet were starting to peal too, maybe it was because she was possibly jaundiced her eyes were yellow although the health visitor had told me not to worry. Her poo was still very liquidy but I had been assured  that would change soon. I remember my thought process was interrupted by her waking up, here we go again I thought and sure enough the screaming started soon after. A high pitched scream that pierced through me like a knife stabbing my heart. She needed something, I just didn't know what.

I was yet again on the phone to my mum asking what to try now and the next words that came out of her mouth was like a lightening bolt, "have you thought it could be the milk". A light switched on in my brain suddenly I was looking at the full picture constant screaming, skin pealing on her hands and her feet, diarrhoea, sickness, sunken fontenelle, yellowing whites of eyes. Suddenly it all made sense, my baby girl had a milk intollerance.

That day was the first day I have ever felt true despair, the Dr looked her over and said "I think its just colic, lots of babies just cry for no reason". I left the surgery holding back tears, "I know I'm right" I pleaded with Adam, "lets try a pharmacy". He agreed and after trying a few who wouldn't help because breast is best and you should be breast feeding. We found ourselves driving to Cheltenham to try one last pharmacist, I was praying all the way there, please, please let there be a compassionate person who will help. We arrived and I took the monster in she was, as usual, screaming the place down. I went up to the pharmacist,tears in my and and just said "please help me". I don't remember how the conversation went or what happened next, but I do know he pointed us towards the last tin of SMA Whysoy they had, we bought it and that night gave it to the monster.

Over night her skin improved, her eyes were brighter and she started smiling at me. My whole world changed that night I had a smiley baby who had stopped screaming she was so happy and I started to enjoy my days with her rather than dreading them. We had challange after challange with the Dr who refused to accept there was a problem, tried to convince me I was feeding her poison even pointing me to statistics that suggest there could be a tentative link between the Soya bean and cancer, and refused to offer me an altrnitive. I saw Dr after Dr and eventually, because I dug my heals in so much, was referred to a pediatrician who, to my delight, agreed with me and pescribed her a special milk called Neocate. We've not looked back since, weaning was hard but we got though it and the monster loves food and new tastes so I must have done something right!

You may ask why I woke up thinking of that day today, well today the monster has had her second full bottle of cows milk and has had no reaction. I am very pleased to say I think my little girl has grown out of her intollrance. Today I am taking her out to celebrate! I'll be buying new bottles as her old ones are stained with her special milk and some growing up milk.

It really does feel like the end of an era and in some ways I am sad as it means my baby is growing up.

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