Saturday, 2 March 2013

Spoons and Printers

A few months a go I came across someone's description of what its like to live with fatigue, she explained what its like using the spoon theoryToday I really felt those spoons slipping through my fingers and drifting away from me.

I few weeks back our printer died and we've been coping fine without one, but this week I really need to print some things off and I need to scan some stuff so we can register with the DR. Last night as I haven't been feeling too bad this week, I've been out and about a lot and have even managed to go out twice in one day (that's quite an achievement!)

Waking up I could feel I was a little more unable to do things than I have been recently. My arms and legs were physically aching I could feel a slight dull aching at the front of my head and just felt blurgh.

I decided to push through determined not to let this thing beat me, I think that was my first mistake. After eating, showering, dressing, wrestling the girls in to clothes, dealing with 2 year old 'I do not want my hair brushed today' tantrum and looking in the mirror and realising my eczema was back around my eyes and I looked like a ghost with red eyes pale skin and, just where the hell did so many spots appear from over night? I am NOT a teenager any more! I put some make up on. I think that was my second mistake. I should have listened to my body, allowed the husband to do more and just say 'hey world, this is what I look like, death warmed up, deal with it!' But then hind-site is always an advantage.

We got in the car and drove the short distance to a retail park, where I made my 3rd mistake if the day. The husband asked if we needed the pushchair or if we would be OK carrying the children. I made the wring decision. Suddenly I found myself with very little spoons left 2 children running in different directions and a husband who was talking to the sales assistant about which printer to buy. After a quick discussion we decided it just wasn't working, we would go away, to the comfort of our home discuss it more and I would send the husband back to buy one later on. 

We had one more shop to visit and I was so grateful the monster had fallen asleep in the car as it meant I had an excuse to stay in the car too while the husband went into Argos.  

Today I could really feel those spoons adding up, its not even 12pm and there are another 6 hours till bed time. Thankfully its the weekend and the husband is home to help out. 

The plan for this afternoon is lunch, a DVD and if I'm feeling up to it we'll get some playdoh out. I'm determined my girls will have as normal a childhood as possible, even on my bad days.

Will I ever learn to listen to my body? Today would have been so much easier if I just said, 'actually I'm not feeling great, I'll stay at home while you go and find a printer'. 

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