Thursday, 11 April 2013

The new normal?


These last couple of days have been really hard. I've tried pushing through, pretending its not happening and now I have to give in to it.

My spoons have been taken from me and I have a lot less than before. I can sit here and say its because of x y or z, but the truth is right now it doesn't matter what I do, or rather don't do, I'm not pulling up.

Bad days are the new normal.

I think the final nail in the coffin of acceptance is happening tomorrow. As I sit and look around my messy house after a day of dozing on the sofa while the girls entertain themselves I see scattered clean washing where I couldn't finish putting it away, a half filled dishwasher where I got half way through and needed to sit down, rubbish where I didn't stop the girls plying in the recycling because I needed to sleep, it was keeping them entertained and really what harm will it do anyway? And just general chaos of toys, books and, well, I realise I need help.

Since being diagnosed and finding there was no real cure for the illness I resolved to make sure my girls have as normal a childhood as possible. I will not let this illness get in the way of them being children, but how is living like this normal, barely keeping on top of things until the husband gets home and he can help. So tomorrow I am off to speak to the CAB about Personal Independence Payment, the new name for DLA.

There are no guarantees I will be awarded a claim, in fact, given the new rules,
the chances are very slim. I will have to prove so many different things to them and jump through many different hoops, which is all going to be impossible and hard, just to be told I don't qualify. But what have I got to loose? Something needs to change, and hopefully this is the first step to finding that something.

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