Wednesday, 1 October 2014

A Referral

Autism was first mentioned when Baby Girl was just 6 months old, we were seeing a paediatric consultant who specialised in intolerances and allergies in children, but during his career he had also worked in child development. As I talked through Baby Girls story he said that he had seen many children like Baby Girl and many of them had gone on to be on the Autistic Spectrum. I was so sure he was wrong, and I was angry with him. How DARE he suggest there was something wrong with my perfect baby girl. 

Over the past 2.5 years there have been a few professionals that have suggested Baby Girl was different. I've struggled with her quirky and at time challenging behaviour. Since Baby Pop's birth her quirky behaviour has been more obvious than ever. I knew she was a difficult baby, but I can now see just how difficult she was and still is. I finally agreed to let the professionals assess her. 

The Health visitor came out and was met with a half dressed toddler who was asleep on the stairs, she watched as I picked her up and she watched her fight sleep and insist she was wide awake. We went through her entire life so far and she watched and played with her. She took notes and asked lots of questions and finally told me she needed to write up a report and get back to me. 

She phoned a week later with the 'good' news and I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. The Health visitor has been discussing Baby Girl with a local Paediatric Consultant and she is really keen to meet her and assess her further. 

Since first contact with the Health Visitor she has been asking what I wanted from the process and its been a question I was finding hard to answer. I guess I'm looking for help in dealing with her tantrums I would half heartedly say, not really convinced myself! But in that moment I suddenly knew the answer to the question, yes I would like help and new strategies in dealing with her, but first and foremost I wanted them to tell me I was being paranoid, there was nothing wrong with her and it was all my fault. I just wanted them to tell me she was a 'normal' child.

I'm told getting a referral is difficult and getting a referral at 2 is almost impossible, I've been told I should be feeling happy and excited she's got a referral, but right now, the kicked in the stomach feeling is here to stay. 

*This post was actually written a while ago, I'm not convinced Baby Girl is on the spectrum, but open to the idea of a Sensory processing Disorder and on the way to coming to terms with things. I even attended a SEN toddler group. In a strange way it was such a relief to meet so many other mums with children exactly the same as Baby Girl, children who don't like cuddles unless its on their terms, children who wont wear clothes or sleep when until they literally drop. Children who don't cope well with noise and have ridiculously high pain thresholds. It was just such a relief to know there are other children like Baby girl out there and other mums like me who are struggling to deal with them


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