Monday, 17 November 2014

What Did I Actually Do Today?

Have you ever got to the end of the day, looked around and thought 'what have I actually achieved today?' That's exactly how I feel this evening. My kitchen is looking a tip and the washing up is piling up, the front room is filled with toys, clothes, blankets and washing that all needs to be put away, the dining room table is covered in my uni work and the bathroom floor is wet...I really don't want to know what that is! I'd planned to get all the washing done today, tidy my kitchen and get to those piles that have been sat on the kitchen counter for weeks. I'd planned to bath all the children, stuff all of Baby Pop's nappies and work on some social media stuff for the blog, but I get to the end of the day with none of that accomplished. All around me is chaos and mess. Instead I'm sat in my PJ's, exhausted, close to tears (mainly because my baby just wont sleep), wondering what I actually achieved today.

My day started around 4.30am when The Husbands alarm went off, waking up Baby Pop who then wanted feeding. The girls ran in and cuddled up in bed with me not long after, while The Husband had a shower. We waved him off to work and cuddled up watching Netflix and playing with toys. While the children were happily playing together I got on with some uni work, in-between feeding Baby Pop, refereeing fights between the girls and sorting snacks and getting drinks. In fact I got ahead with uni work which hopefully means I'll be able to spend quite a bit of December away from the books and doing fun Christmassy things with the kids.

Big Girl and I sat down and practised her letter sounds, I was amazed to discover she was able to read basic 2 and 3 letter words, something she hasn't really done before, I think she's finally starting to get the hang of this reading thing! We practised some hand writing and played around with the letter magnets on the fridge. Suddenly it was lunch time and none of us apart from Baby Pop were dressed, and thankfully he had decided to take a nap just at that point. I jumped in the shower while making dinner, which is not an easy task, threw on some PJ's and fed my children. After lunch we did some maths, matching and fine motor skills for baby girl and addition for Big Girl. I found some time to write 3 sentences of a blog post before I was wanted by Baby Pop for a feed, Baby Girl for some help drawing and Big Girl wanted me to help her make a mobile for Baby Pop's bedroom because, according to her, he's sad I haven't put back up his old one after I accidentally ripped it down few days ago. 

I did a quick bit of uni reading, I learnt all about secure and insecure attachments between infants and their parents, as if I wasn't feeling guilty enough already! I dealt with bouts of diarrhoea from all 3 children, comforted a grizzling teething baby, made the children dinner and fell asleep on the sofa while the girls emptied out the DVD cupboard. We had a quick superficial tidy and then I spent 20 minutes going up and down the stairs getting drinks, finding favourite toys and comforters and putting blankets on just right. I sat down to feed Baby Pop and looked around and felt like a failure. The house is a mess, I have got nothing done that I wanted to do, what have I actually achieved today? 

I started writing this blog post feeling defeated and useless, but I realised today I have fed all 3 of my children, taught my eldest to read, write and taught various maths skills. I helped out with art, taught my daughters they are the most important people in my world. I worked towards gaining a Psychology degree and becoming a better parent. I comforted my baby when he was hurting. I kissed bumped heads and hurt knees and refereed fights. I cuddled my children and made them feel secure and happy. So why is it that despite all of this I still feel like a failure? Why does society tell us that unless our children are pristine and houses spotless, then as women, as mothers and as wives and partners we have failed? I may not have done anything I wanted to do today, I may have a messy house and have washing up mounting but I haven't failed, and I will keep telling myself that until I start to feel it. I have not failed today. 

What have you achieved today?

P.S Don't forget I currently have a competition running to win the children's book The Smartest Giant in Town by Julia Donaldson

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